So i guess it was a fairly productive  day… it’s acutally really difficult to write  some of the things i need to write. to have the public know exactly what i had to endure these past 7 years  even while i wore a smiling face… or had to keep silent …. 
 moments when i dint understadn why these people needed to pick on me… needed to harm me or my reputation…. when i created files to try to catch and punish any criminal act… do thee people think that by the fiel disappearing the memory aor the horrible experience will jsut go away? no it doesnt work that way…
i wrote something in a journal  so here goes….

“Its always so disheartening fnding out that people are untrue… the joy/smiles rlationships that could have been realized.. jsut manipulations what .. to profit others and break me? doesn’t  seem fair.. or right… or just …. 
So i want to ask.. when did it all start> who is responsible for the tears?  When soes it all end? 
YOu made me afraid to open my mail
YOu made me afraid to open my emails 
You made me afraid to ope my door to answer my phone 
You will never know what it has been like.. 
You will never know how much it changed me…
who i ws- who i could have become…
All my dreams/ wishes and prayes wne unanswered and unheard 
instead of laughter i received tears 
instead of hope you brought fear into my life 
 I cannot forgive you all of you It wanst fair.. you shouldn’t have picked on me.. 
Instead of knowing love you taught me hurt and hate
Are yo proud of  what you accomplished?
You had a choice to make me smle and laugh
 to build my spirit and soul 
instead today you chose to make me upset and cry
Yor choices are a reflection  of your tattered soul
some say only hurting peole hurt people
and they say ignorance doesn’t  excuse bad behavior 
My sould is terrified of your net response
this has not made me stronger..
it has crushed the me i once was…
it has changed who i am today and who i will  forever .be
the tme to heal was never allowed… ope sores are now scares on my personality and on my soul
 you can take credit for the damage you inflict 
may one day the pain you cause others be yoursto endure  alone    

 To the peole who gain sheer enjoyment and pleasure by  deciding that it was alright to put me through horrible expereinces…… i guess the girls who like to cut peole down ..or make them look bad…  it must be their only way to keep a guy… or to make themselves feel better…. its still not an excuse… theris no excuse… what occurred is still unforgivable ….