anyway… also weird thing this morning… i had a large cup of tea.. as i normally do each morning… and after the tea.. and yesterday as well.. i started feeling very flushed… i mean actually hot.. and sweaty… then started getting really anxious.. and started feeling ready to get really mad and angry…  i don’t do any drugs..my system is really sensitive to anything.. and to me…. it seemed like some kind of  drug rush.. or maybe steroid range type feeling… and I  defiantly don’t  do any steroids.. or am some type of body builder… the same thing happened last night before i went to bed… and i had another cup of tea.. and i was exhausted after having one of the worst days ever… so i was resting and had a cup of tea…. and when my aunt or cousin David came by… i had two cups of tea and  went into a huge rage over David picking on me… ( i normally can handle at least  a little bit of  bulling… at least i used to .. before karne kahle and others thought it was pure fun to pick on me for years on end… to get me sooo upset that I was shaking and crying and ready to throw up… to where your voice almost changes into this primal gut wrenching type voice… to where you totally lose control…. well  after two  large cups of tea.. with milk and sweetener… it happened….  so it made me remember when  i was living  here and  my dad had come to  live with me to protect me from Gerard… and one  day when i took some midol for  some really severe cramps… and i felt drugged  i mean really drugged… not like an aspirin type .. but really out of it…  for days. and i didn’t notice or realize that the  the pills in my midol were a completely  different color….  hummmm…..  

tea is pretty simple.. water/ tea bag/ and milk and sweeter….. i am using a different tea bag.. Mr. Dee had recommended this tea form England.. P&G  instead of my prince of wales tea from  twinnings…. so i may just try to see if the tea affected me.. or the milk or the water or the sweater… It seems pretty improbably that these products would affect me so dramatically.. but who knows.. an allergy to something perhaps????? or what????  anyway…    I know Fred was talking about this Iranian boss who he  had before …. and fred said the boss  was going crazy because he is on  all sorts of steroids and drugs…. an some other guy was going crazy because of all the steroids he took  for body building…  its just sooo bizarre… 

but i dont take any drugs… and if someone wanted to drug me ..  to what to see what my reaction would be?…. or how it would  affect me?.. that would definitely be a sick psycho type person i would not want in my life…. at all… i mean seriously wouldn’t some control freaky idiot…… some god complex type person.. who thinks being a doctor gives him the right to  play God… doesn’t he actually realize  I’ve already been through enough trauma in my life time  thee past 10 years… to ruin ten lives… let alone e for it to have all happened  to me since having  to deal with a group of scummy con artists and scum in my life?????  who could be sooo cruel…  

 the weird thing a few days ago when i had a bowl of cereal… there was this lumpy substance in my milk.. actual one lump that i found…  its organic whole milk so shouldn’t have any antibiotics..or hormones that would affect me.. it was still fresh so it wasn’t like it was spoiled or like it was  old…. but the heated body…  then anger started…  and i am normally a really  nice and controlled , kind  loving and patient person who doesn’t s really get too mad over a whole lot… well i guess i used to be that way.. not  anymore .. i get jumpy.. scared.. and even though i was really sensitive before .. i am eve  more so… guess its the anxiety and damage done  by karen kahle and gerard alher and all  the rest of the people who got a kick out of following in their footsteps… 

Gosh somedays  when its soo overwhelming .. all  of my life that needs to be repaired.. from  my credit reports.. to  everything .. some days i think and wish what could have been.. what should have been… an   i wish i had never come back to Naples/ Florida or the united states  when i was 18-19 years old…… i should   have stayed in  France.. should  have gone skiing with  my dad in Switzerland.. and i should have never come back…just to eventually  be tormented by criminals… and identity thieves.. and by  anyone who used my life.. to get something for themselves..